Misplaced Misery
A few years ago, the egotistical pigheadedness of my adolescence gave way very reluctantly to an admission that I am indeed flawed and have much to learn from the world. This revelation has so thoroughly messed me up that I sit here even now trying to decide if it's un-humble to say here that I've found humility. Is it? Who the hell knows.
I've chosen to use the self-checkout lanes at Wal-Marts and Wegmans stores alike since I was a cashier at a Giant in my home town. These lanes really are a choice, as there are always live cashiers at all times. The only reason there's really a *choice* involved is simply that there's no way for the store to count the contents of your cart and determine whether you'd be better off going to a live cashier. As with anything else in life, we must rely on signs to inform everyone of the store's express-lane and self-checkout policies, like how many items are the suggested maximum for the particular lane. Remember, however, that you can't say "15 items or less" anymore - now it's "about 15 items or less" - you wouldn't want to offend anyone by... riiiight.
Point is, sheeple don't read signs, and think exclusively about themselves -- kinda like the teenaged moi. But these *ahem* sheeple don't seem to have grown out of adolescence, and remain focused on some internal miserable turmoil even late into their 30's and 40's -- and later. Who can LIVE that long steeped in such anger at the world??
Well, I've run into a few of these walking stormclouds using the self-checkout lanes at Wal-Mart lately, and each encounter is a crisp ray of sunshine cast across my day! Bullshit! Who, in WHAT holier-than-though daze of entitlement imagines that fifty-three items is "about 15 or less"??? What vapid mindlessness allows that person to miss the HINT the register is giving them time after time as it screams "THE BAGGING AREA IS FULL" and they have to go fill half their cart with the contents of the clogged bagging area... which is conveniently sized for about fifteen average items. In one specific instance, it seemed every third item requires cashier approval, or an age check, or both. Two items had long handles, and the register was programmed not to accept them. This particular customer chose to wait with a line of ten behind her for the exhausted manager to come running back and specially ring the large items through. The forty pound box of cat litter was too big for the belt, and jammed it, causing the register to enter a "fault" mode and close itself. I was in awe to behold the gooey stream of slop that poured forth from this woman's mouth while she fumed over the poor register, and at one point became so disgusted with her language around several 3 and 4 year olds that I even asked her politely to watch her language - "fuck you, go to hell!" was my sweet reply. The parents of the kids didn't seem to care. Sheeple.
I have, thank GOD, enough of a sense of humor to smile and let her pleasantly on her way. Had I been a teenager, and on this woman's emotional level, I probably would have exploded at her and caused a scene. I've since learned, in my coming enlightenment, that sheeple can not be told how fucked up they are... it only makes them angry and red in the face, and consequently slows them down even more as they devote more and more time to coming up with something to say back to you.
So what do you DO with these people? The store employees don't care at all, and aren't being paid nearly enough to confront someone like this woman - I've worked retail, and man do I know. Some other customers shoot her snide remarks or call her names, but that only gets her retaliation and, again, accompanying slowdown.
So humor, sarcasm, intellect, and open honest communication all fail miserably -- what are we left with? A mess of very stupid people with way too much time on their hands. These idiots can vote and drive giant heavy SUV's, and social programs keep darwinism at bay for those spared by Acts of God and lucky chance.
So what to do? Smile, and do what I've learned to do. It doesn't teach anyone anything, and it's not particularly constructive, but it's fun and makes ME smile every time I do it. It's a way for me to let the person know that I'm disgusted by their behavior, but that I'm big enough to wait patiently in line and smile at them the whole time. I keep a nice personal space bubble around the person - a good ten feet - to avoid physical confrontation and the liklihood of some raunchy BO. Then, very nicely - almost sweetly, even - I say something to the effect of "I just wanted to thank you for completely missing the point of the express lane. All of us back here are really enjoying watching you scan those groceries." and if there's enough time before the outburst, something like "while we're waiting, can I get you a drink, or put on some nice music for you? We really just want to make sure you're enjoying yourself as much as we are!" Remember, very sweetly and with a biiiiig smile. Non-mormons behind you will also get a kick out of your nonviolent approach, and the mormons will get a kick out of it too -- but won't snicker like the others.
Seriously, I need a bumper sticker that says "Bring Back Darwinism."
Freakin' stupid people.
I've chosen to use the self-checkout lanes at Wal-Marts and Wegmans stores alike since I was a cashier at a Giant in my home town. These lanes really are a choice, as there are always live cashiers at all times. The only reason there's really a *choice* involved is simply that there's no way for the store to count the contents of your cart and determine whether you'd be better off going to a live cashier. As with anything else in life, we must rely on signs to inform everyone of the store's express-lane and self-checkout policies, like how many items are the suggested maximum for the particular lane. Remember, however, that you can't say "15 items or less" anymore - now it's "about 15 items or less" - you wouldn't want to offend anyone by... riiiight.
Point is, sheeple don't read signs, and think exclusively about themselves -- kinda like the teenaged moi. But these *ahem* sheeple don't seem to have grown out of adolescence, and remain focused on some internal miserable turmoil even late into their 30's and 40's -- and later. Who can LIVE that long steeped in such anger at the world??
Well, I've run into a few of these walking stormclouds using the self-checkout lanes at Wal-Mart lately, and each encounter is a crisp ray of sunshine cast across my day! Bullshit! Who, in WHAT holier-than-though daze of entitlement imagines that fifty-three items is "about 15 or less"??? What vapid mindlessness allows that person to miss the HINT the register is giving them time after time as it screams "THE BAGGING AREA IS FULL" and they have to go fill half their cart with the contents of the clogged bagging area... which is conveniently sized for about fifteen average items. In one specific instance, it seemed every third item requires cashier approval, or an age check, or both. Two items had long handles, and the register was programmed not to accept them. This particular customer chose to wait with a line of ten behind her for the exhausted manager to come running back and specially ring the large items through. The forty pound box of cat litter was too big for the belt, and jammed it, causing the register to enter a "fault" mode and close itself. I was in awe to behold the gooey stream of slop that poured forth from this woman's mouth while she fumed over the poor register, and at one point became so disgusted with her language around several 3 and 4 year olds that I even asked her politely to watch her language - "fuck you, go to hell!" was my sweet reply. The parents of the kids didn't seem to care. Sheeple.
I have, thank GOD, enough of a sense of humor to smile and let her pleasantly on her way. Had I been a teenager, and on this woman's emotional level, I probably would have exploded at her and caused a scene. I've since learned, in my coming enlightenment, that sheeple can not be told how fucked up they are... it only makes them angry and red in the face, and consequently slows them down even more as they devote more and more time to coming up with something to say back to you.
So what do you DO with these people? The store employees don't care at all, and aren't being paid nearly enough to confront someone like this woman - I've worked retail, and man do I know. Some other customers shoot her snide remarks or call her names, but that only gets her retaliation and, again, accompanying slowdown.
So humor, sarcasm, intellect, and open honest communication all fail miserably -- what are we left with? A mess of very stupid people with way too much time on their hands. These idiots can vote and drive giant heavy SUV's, and social programs keep darwinism at bay for those spared by Acts of God and lucky chance.
So what to do? Smile, and do what I've learned to do. It doesn't teach anyone anything, and it's not particularly constructive, but it's fun and makes ME smile every time I do it. It's a way for me to let the person know that I'm disgusted by their behavior, but that I'm big enough to wait patiently in line and smile at them the whole time. I keep a nice personal space bubble around the person - a good ten feet - to avoid physical confrontation and the liklihood of some raunchy BO. Then, very nicely - almost sweetly, even - I say something to the effect of "I just wanted to thank you for completely missing the point of the express lane. All of us back here are really enjoying watching you scan those groceries." and if there's enough time before the outburst, something like "while we're waiting, can I get you a drink, or put on some nice music for you? We really just want to make sure you're enjoying yourself as much as we are!" Remember, very sweetly and with a biiiiig smile. Non-mormons behind you will also get a kick out of your nonviolent approach, and the mormons will get a kick out of it too -- but won't snicker like the others.
Seriously, I need a bumper sticker that says "Bring Back Darwinism."
Freakin' stupid people.
posted by Nate at 9/05/2005 10:45:00 PM
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